Hopi Birthday to Me

Sorry, couldn't resist! Tomorrow's my birthday! I've already experienced a plethora of social activities this week in honor of the big four-niner, lunch every day, drinks every night, and more fun to come (including a trip to the Indian casino and buffet with the wild and crazy women I work with). My friend Ande gave me a HUGE turquoise and silver bolo, honestly it's the size of a sausage mcGriddle; it says, "Look at MEEEEE!" Which is nice, because it gives people something other than my enormous belly or gap-toothed smile to focus on, a definite plus. I've worn it every day this week and plan to never take it off. It weighs about 10 pounds. Okay, not that much, but still - at the end of the day there are rope burn marks on the sides of my neck. One day they'll slice right through to the Karotid arteries, but that will be nice because turquoise and red look so smashing together :)

Indian casino buffet aside, I'm doing something really really REALLY important tomorrow, and that's recommitting to healthy eating (ho hum, bo-ring, I know). But this is what my life is: I go along all distracted and depressed and eating too much and moving too little, and then something happens, chemical/physical/spiritual/intellectual/emotional, not sure, probably a complex combination of all of them, and then it's ON again, the switch is pulled, and it's time to buckle down again. For reals.

Every time I get to this place I think, "This time it's different; this time it's for good, this time it's for always." But now I know that every time is the same, and it's different, because I'm older or wiser or sicker or happier or less happy or whatever.

This time, though, I'm going to work with a life coach. That's new for me.

I met her at one of many conferences I've attended and/or planned for my office these last few months. Mia did the "change management" piece at each of these events and I was really taken with her authenticity and empathy, not the usual rah-rah motivational speaker type but an intelligent and compassionate real person who has figured out there are some decent tools out there to help you deal with change and growth. We had brief conversations along the way and I was even more impressed, so at the last conference I pulled her aside and mentioned about getting some coaching, and she seemed genuinely interested in helping me, working with me. So we start early next week. I am delighted and have a really good feeling about this.

Now one thing I know is that journaling is an important part of succeeding with this sort of thing, so you'll have to pardon me but I'll be doing that journaling here on the blog. Please bear with me since the posts will be boring as hell, lots of uplifting self-talk and "today I had a tuna salad" stuff. Feel free to breeze on past the journal entries. I'll label them as such and, unless you want to hear about my grapplings with hungers and desires I still don't quite understand, then come on in and join the party, but like I said, it's sure to be tedious.

Nevertheless, breakthroughs do happen and moments of enlightened understanding occur, along with other benchmarks related to losing weight ("the seat belt fits!" etc.), and I'll be sure to talk about those. There will be slip-ups, too, slides down into the abyss, frantic clawing to get back to ground level, harsh self-talk and destructive behavior. At least I know this and can be more realistic than in the past ("I'll NEVER NEVER have cheese again as long as I live!!!").

So here we go. If I play my cards right, by the time I'm 50 I'll be a lot healthier and happier and more active and more joyful than I am on my 49th birthday. Bring it on!!

- Love, Stevie