Enough

This is from the I, Anonymous column from thestranger.com, one of my favorite weekly reads. Every week, someone writes an unsigned letter. It's a classic venting experience. This one hit home, though, because I don't think it was directed at another person - what do you think?

That's it. Enough. I've had enough of your fucking insults and your constant demands for loyalty. It's been 11 years since I stupidly let your miserable, controlling, worthless bullshit into my life, and I won't let you ruin my life anymore. You abuse me with your language of fear and control, you force me on the scale every morning, every night. You deride me for every piece of food I put in my mouth, and you guilt me into throwing it up. You force me to run run run off every fucking calorie and more. You couldn't even leave me alone on my wedding day, screaming at me to purge the piece of wedding cake that I ate. I'm addicted to your hate, to your abuse, to your promises of safety and happiness, but you lie. My life with you is nothing but sickness and sunken cheeks. So I'm leaving you, you fucking festering blight. I am worth more than anything you've ever given me, and I won't hang my head over your shiny white pit of broken promises anymore. FUCK YOU.

—Anonymous

Career Development

About a month ago, I was scrolling through the job listings on Craig's List. I do that about once a week to see "what's out there," not really because I'm looking, exactly, but because I'm curious. I have an internet business and three part-time online jobs to keep me busy, but I've been thinking it would be fun (and supportive of the changes I've made in my life lately) to get out into the world again and have some face time with people.

I browsed through the usual ads for sales reps, telemarketers and graveyard shift custodians and spotted a small ad looking for people to teach English as a second language (ESL). The kicker? No teaching experience required. Something inside me clicked.

I'm what you might call a born teacher. I love to explain things to people, love the puzzle of finding the words to get across a concept. I'm a communication nut. I especially love the moment when somebody "gets" what I'm talking about - the look of recognition in the eyes. When somebody says, "I understand," it just feels great.

I had never seriously considered teaching ESL because I don't speak any other languages fluently, which I figured was a prerequisite, but according to the well-known language instruction company looking for instructors, fluency in other languages wasn't required because instruction is conducted completely in the target language. I was immediately intrigued: unless you're Marcel Marceau, how do you teach a language without resorting to translation?

I went to the orientation meeting and liked what I heard. The company's world-famous total immersion technique is a lively combination of charades, Scrabble, Password, Pictionary, Sesame Street, Jeopardy, and every fun activity you remember from grade school. Thinking, "I can do this," I committed to the idea and got myself hired.

Just like that.

Training began immediately. It was intense but a total blast and the instructors and other students were all amazing people, full of the spark of curiosity and creativity I love. The days were very long and there were many moments of self-doubt, but I started to get the hang of it and by the end of the training I realized teaching ESL was just right for me.

Before I could catch my breath, I was given my first class to teach: a private student from Costa Rica who's here for 18 months while her husband works on a big project for a huge international corporation. I was feeling apprehensive, but with a whole lot of "You can do it, Steve," self-talk and fortified with a Venti iced Americano, I mustered the courage to knock on my student's front door.

Our class together was this morning. I couldn't have had a nicer, more charming first student. Yessenia is a darling person, so eager to learn English and have good pronunciation, and she's just thrilled to be here in the US with her husband and two small kids. We chatted (simply and slowly) for a little while, then I dove in, trying to remember all the techniques I learned during training.

The lesson was all about making appointments on the phone, so it was a fortuitous moment when Yessenia received a call from a friend to schedule a lasagna-making date. From then on, I could use that call as the example for all the things I was teaching - will make/will not make, will be making/will not be making, can/can't/cannot, etc., along with a long list of vocabulary words like appointment, available, reservation, prior commitment, and so on. We giggled as we role-played making calls to each other, and we went off-book to talk about Yessenia's real-world experiences making appointments and keeping a calendar. The two-hour session was over in a flash. Not only had we both learned a lot, but we had become friends.

I've been scheduled to teach eight classes a week, private and group lessons, at all levels of ability, from beginners to upper-intermediate students. It's daunting to think of the responsibility I have to my students, but it's exhilarating, too.

So begins a new chapter. Bring it on!

[PS: I am delighted to say that, through the weeks of stressful training and the launching of my new career, I didn't rely on food to relieve anxiety, quell fear, comfort or reward. In fact, I lost 12 pounds in the last three weeks! Amazing, amazing . . . . ]

Changing Gears

For more than six months now I've stuck to the same simple food plan because it's easy, cheap, nutritious and works perfectly for me. This was my daily diet, broken up into 4 meals:

4 skinless chicken thighs
2 cups brown rice
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 or 3 cups of fresh veggies
2 oranges or 1 grapefruit
1 can of pineapple chunks without juice - the perfect bedtime treat

In a matter of three minutes, I could throw my daily portion of chicken into the oven. We'd buy the huge bags of frozen skinless boneless thighs from Costco and they're ridiculously convenient - frozen separately, I'd just reach into the bag in the freezer and pull out four pieces, throw them onto a cookie sheet and sprinkle with spice. A $10 bag lasted a week. The only culinary decision each day was which spice to sprinkle on the chicken - almost always Mrs. Dash (truly a salt-eliminator's best friend) with the addition of a little chile powder or tarragon, depending on my mood of the day. I'd make a pot of rice every other day, so at mealtimes I'd put rice in the bottom of a bowl, cover with freshly washed and chopped veggies, a cut-up chicken thigh on top, and after three minutes in the microwave, voila, a super-good, very filling meal. Like I said, totally a cinch, and quite delicious, too. I loved it from the start and felt satisfied every day. It was calming, to just step away from all the "What will I eat today" ruminations, and it closed the door to a million opportunities to get off track. It also got me in the habit of eating four small meals a day. Low fat, very low salt, no refined flour or sugar, good nutrition - it's been a pleasure, it really has.

And, frankly, it was incredibly successful - I lost 120 pounds on it.

But it's been six months. Anything pales in six months. Even (especially?) something good for you.

Besides, I'm a different person now. I'm much more active and can be on my feet for hours at a time instead of just a few minutes. I've always loved to cook, and I need a new challenge to engage my interest. And I've discovered the most amazing international food market here in Albuquerque which not only sells the freshest, cheapest veggies but has aisles crammed with imported spices and foods from twenty or more countries, China and Japan and Thailand and Korea, India and Pakistan and Morrocco, Mexico, Argentina, Costa Rica, and more. It's a heavenly resource and has me itching to experiment.

When I mentioned to my housemate that I was thinking of going vegetarian (vegan really - eggs and dairy are booby traps for both of us) , she said she'd love to join me, so I made the decision - and commitment - to go green!

With the help of a nutrition analysis tool I found online (I highly recommend it) I've set the parameters for my new program:

Eight ounces tofu
1 cup beans or legumes
1 ounce of nuts
2 cups brown rice, rice noodles, grains, corn or potatoes
4 or more cups veggies (all kinds)
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons soy sauce (or salt equivalent)
2 oranges or one grapefruit
1 can pineapple chunks without juice (still the perfect bedtime treat)

The nutritional analysis is really phenomenal: About 1800 calories, more than enough protein, a 40% reduction from the RDA (recommended daily amount) of fat and salt, and ALL the vitamins I need without taking supplements. It was incredibly gratifying to work this out and feel fantastic about the nutritional quality of the food I plan to eat. It's all about healthy and delicious for me now.

The new program looks simple, and it is, but there's plenty of room for variety - curry, dal, lentil chili, hummus, bean soup, phad thai, kung pao tofu, stir-fried everything, salsa, enchiladas, rutabega stew . . . a world of cuisines to choose from!

So last week I did some preparation.

I raided the library for cookbooks on Indian, Chinese, Thai and African cuisine, tofu, greens, beans and general vegan cooking and compiled a list of ingredients I don't already have in the house.

I went to Whole Foods, where I raided the bulk food aisle, getting all sorts of beans and spices.

I completely reorganized the pantry shelves and washed about fifty jars and tupperwares for my gorgeous new collection of ingredients.

I pulled out my housemate's pressure cooker and taught myself how to make beans and grains.
I bought myself a really good quality wok pan.

I did about an hour's worth of prep time with the food processor which resulted in at least two week's worth of tasty additions: I now have jars of minced garlic, ginger, tahini and basil in the fridge, along with freshly chopped and roasted peanuts, toasted sesame seeds and pumpkin seeds. Believe me, it's a real time-saver to be able to dive into ready-to-go things like this.

Finally, I returned to my international market and stocked up on tofu (about 65 cents for a day's portion!), my favorite soy sauce, roasted chile peppers, and a veritable cornucopia of amazing veggies (including things I hardly ever get, like kohlrabi and asian eggplant).

I started last week with an Indian banquet, filling the house with the aromas of toasting spices like coriander, cumin, fennel, cinnamon, clove, turmeric, garam masala, and cardamom (I could've just bought a pre-mixed curry powder but I wanted to do it "from scratch"). What a meal! Tofu curry with Chinese broccoli, bamboo shoots, red bell pepper and scallions, a creamy fat-free dal of split chickpeas flavored with ginger and bay leaf, and chewy brown rice. We sprinkled chopped roasted peanuts on the curry and dug in.

Since then I've made a delicious lentil stew in the pressure cooker (it only took ten minutes!) with onions, carrots, a squeeze of lime and Morroccan spices; I slow-roasted some marinated tofu slices until they were chewy and golden brown; and tonight we're having phad thai with rice noodles and lots of fresh spinach. I make enough at dinner for my housemate and I to have another portion (in my case, two portions) for lunch the next day. How simple can you get!

I'm having a ball and am thoroughly enjoying this change. So far it's been easy to make the switch, and I'm delighted to start this new chapter in my nutritional evolution.

Food is my friend.

And I nurture myself by preparing and eating healthy foods with loving care.