Actually, I'll be in charge of burning pentagrams onto leather bookmarks to start. Following an extensive apprentice program, I will graduate to intermediate gothic weavery.
I suppose it's unlikely I'll get the job; according to the job ad, they're looking for someone more hirsute and possibly cloven hooved.
Anyway, it's official: I got the gig reading tarot cards over the phone, so I can limp along financially until I get a "real" job. That's good, because it's starting to feel like the language center is gonna close down by September 1st, at which point I'm out on my multilingual ass.
As far as real jobs are concerned, I've got a call-back interview later this week for the language center management trainee position, the one where they'd send me to an exhorbitantly expensive city for six months, then transfer me to Cumquat, Kentucky. Fingers crossed.
Fed jobs? Nada. What's wrong with those people? I tell them I'm willing to single-handedly mop up the administrative mess FEMA caused in the wake of Katrina, live in Mont-fawkin-gomery, Alabama, fer Gawd's sake, and they don't even send me a postcard saying screw you?
State jobs? Two interviews, both for positions involving lots of copying - didn't get either one.
Guess they're saving me for the custodial job in the nuclear experiments lab.
I had a nice turndown from the Georgia O'Keeffe museum - they sent me a no-thanks vagina that looked an awful lot like a lily.
Reading tarot for lonely ladies is starting to sound like a good career move, but I tend to be a touch nihilistic - "No, ma'am, according to this seven of wands, he's not gonna leave his wife for you, but the spirits and guides are telling me that the bitch has impetigo - yes, just like Michael Jackson! Oh, and you're pregnant. Or is it your goldfish? Not sure. Wait a minute . . . it IS you, according to this card. See, the five of disks mean five months pregnant, and everyone knows goldfish don't gestate that long. Looks like a Christmas baby for you! Definitely! No, the tubal ligation didn't take. Happens all the time. Yeah. So anyway, in about six weeks you're gonna have a BIG surprise! Yes you are! Really! The guides are telling me I can't tell you what it is, but when you get it, BOY, will you think, "Gawd, that's what my psychic friend predicted!" Let's put it this way - you totally deserve it. Totally. Oops, our time is up."
1 comment:
Thanks, Worshipnaked - I may need to get my baristo muscles warmed up myself! What a bummer for you to be ousted from the job you love by all that office politics crap. Makes me sick!
As for what the cards say about your future, like my friend always used to say, "Looks like Scorpio is in Uranus." No wonder life hurts!
Post a Comment