I'm a tolerance guy. If you wanna do something, go ahead, so long as it doesn't impinge on other people. Live and let live. I wanna be free to enjoy what I want, when I want it, and I also accept responsibility for how the choices I make affect my life.
Americans have tapped into a belief that freedom and liberty equals a good life. The more we have, the more freedom from financial worry, time-wasting effort, chores and responsibilities, the happier we will be. Well, yes and no.
Liesure time spent laying around, being entertained, munching on snacks - it's freedom and liberty incarnate, isn't it? To choose the food, beverage and DVD du jour, to flop down on the sofa and let life wash over you, remote in one hand, a series of sensory pleasures, available without much cost or effort, financially or emotionally, to self-medicate and self-comfort - THAT'S freedom. That's liberty. But the consequences for any given individual may impinge on future opportunities for that person to enjoy freedom and liberty. In other words, the choices I make with my freedoms and liberties today will affect my opportunities for freedom and liberty tomorrow.
Freedom is not free. I sound like a politician.
Freedom to indulge in self-destructive behavior is all-American. And we pay for our indulgences, not in hellfire and damnation but in future limits on our individual freedom. I engaged in self-destructive eating. I am now not "free" to run and jump. As a fat man, I am a walking billboard for the concept that this is a cause and effect world we live in. Consequences. Karma. Chemistry. Physics. Duh.
I have a huge distaste for constraints - and consequences - placed upon us by religion and government and society and expectations and patronistic superiority. I also have a distaste for the sanctimonious way a lot of people approach self-constraint. It's at the heart of my "rebellious" behavior - I'll be and do what I damn well please. I'm re-BELLY-ous by nature.
I HATE to conform. Frankly, conforming is impossible for me. I'm left-handed, for shit's sake. Growing up, it seemed that everything about me, when compared to "normal," was nonconforming: my body, my brain, my abilities, my life experiences, my sexuality, my hunger, my taste, my sensitivity and vulnerability. I was white and male in a white male-centric society, that is true. But whether from inevitability or purposeness, I didn't conform. Somewhere along the way I embraced my nonconformity and now I rebel at the slightest indication that I'm conforming. "It's good for you." No thanks. "Everybody loves it." I hate it.
Anyone who tries to constrain me has met with resistence. And anytime I've tried to constrain myself has met with failure.
Well then, what is a diet if not self-constraint?
I'm trying to circumvent the standard approach to losing weight - denial of hunger, denial of taste, denial of impulse, denial of pleasure - by creating core beliefs that ALLOW me to indulge my desires. It's just that the desires themselves are different because the fuel that incites the desires is different.
Let me explain: if I have a desire to be self-destructive, then I'll indulge that desire by eating too much or not moving around or wasting time or not helping myself. If I have a desire to be self-constructive, then I'll indulge that desire hy eating healthy foods, engaging in active pursuits, and spending my time wisely.
At first I thought I could change the core belief that I'm a nonconformist.
And maybe I could change the core belief that I'm a self-indulgent person.
But now I realize that I can embrace my nonconformity and self-indulgence by finding ways to express them that are health-giving to me.
As for nonconformity: these days, not eating sugar, fat, salt and flour is a very nonconformist thing to do. In fact, being physically active is a nonconformist attitude. If 60% of us really are "overweight," then being overweight is conforming. Hmmmmm.
As for self-indulgence: if I fully embrace the belief that I am a valuable person, that I have self-worth and deserve love, respect and approval, from myself and from others, then maybe my desires will be to indulge in self-loving and self-respectful behaviors such as preparing and consuming healthy meals and enjoying the sensory delights of a brisk walk. Hmmmmm.
I guess I'm realizing that I won't constrain myself because I should, no matter what the reason.
Not. Gonna. Happen.
Americans have tapped into a belief that freedom and liberty equals a good life. The more we have, the more freedom from financial worry, time-wasting effort, chores and responsibilities, the happier we will be. Well, yes and no.
Liesure time spent laying around, being entertained, munching on snacks - it's freedom and liberty incarnate, isn't it? To choose the food, beverage and DVD du jour, to flop down on the sofa and let life wash over you, remote in one hand, a series of sensory pleasures, available without much cost or effort, financially or emotionally, to self-medicate and self-comfort - THAT'S freedom. That's liberty. But the consequences for any given individual may impinge on future opportunities for that person to enjoy freedom and liberty. In other words, the choices I make with my freedoms and liberties today will affect my opportunities for freedom and liberty tomorrow.
Freedom is not free. I sound like a politician.
Freedom to indulge in self-destructive behavior is all-American. And we pay for our indulgences, not in hellfire and damnation but in future limits on our individual freedom. I engaged in self-destructive eating. I am now not "free" to run and jump. As a fat man, I am a walking billboard for the concept that this is a cause and effect world we live in. Consequences. Karma. Chemistry. Physics. Duh.
I have a huge distaste for constraints - and consequences - placed upon us by religion and government and society and expectations and patronistic superiority. I also have a distaste for the sanctimonious way a lot of people approach self-constraint. It's at the heart of my "rebellious" behavior - I'll be and do what I damn well please. I'm re-BELLY-ous by nature.
I HATE to conform. Frankly, conforming is impossible for me. I'm left-handed, for shit's sake. Growing up, it seemed that everything about me, when compared to "normal," was nonconforming: my body, my brain, my abilities, my life experiences, my sexuality, my hunger, my taste, my sensitivity and vulnerability. I was white and male in a white male-centric society, that is true. But whether from inevitability or purposeness, I didn't conform. Somewhere along the way I embraced my nonconformity and now I rebel at the slightest indication that I'm conforming. "It's good for you." No thanks. "Everybody loves it." I hate it.
Anyone who tries to constrain me has met with resistence. And anytime I've tried to constrain myself has met with failure.
Well then, what is a diet if not self-constraint?
I'm trying to circumvent the standard approach to losing weight - denial of hunger, denial of taste, denial of impulse, denial of pleasure - by creating core beliefs that ALLOW me to indulge my desires. It's just that the desires themselves are different because the fuel that incites the desires is different.
Let me explain: if I have a desire to be self-destructive, then I'll indulge that desire by eating too much or not moving around or wasting time or not helping myself. If I have a desire to be self-constructive, then I'll indulge that desire hy eating healthy foods, engaging in active pursuits, and spending my time wisely.
At first I thought I could change the core belief that I'm a nonconformist.
And maybe I could change the core belief that I'm a self-indulgent person.
But now I realize that I can embrace my nonconformity and self-indulgence by finding ways to express them that are health-giving to me.
As for nonconformity: these days, not eating sugar, fat, salt and flour is a very nonconformist thing to do. In fact, being physically active is a nonconformist attitude. If 60% of us really are "overweight," then being overweight is conforming. Hmmmmm.
As for self-indulgence: if I fully embrace the belief that I am a valuable person, that I have self-worth and deserve love, respect and approval, from myself and from others, then maybe my desires will be to indulge in self-loving and self-respectful behaviors such as preparing and consuming healthy meals and enjoying the sensory delights of a brisk walk. Hmmmmm.
I guess I'm realizing that I won't constrain myself because I should, no matter what the reason.
Not. Gonna. Happen.
No comments:
Post a Comment