The "Difference" Factor

I'm working on the project for "O" - more details later. But it's been very interesting that as it becomes closer to reality, I'm getting self-conscious, nervous about participating in meetings as the big bouncing boy that I am. And it's ridiculous, because I'm a dynamo in a meeting - a large dynamo, but a dynamo nonetheless. And I don't mean in some hyperactive, off-putting Chris Farley way, but that I am reasonably articulate, frequently inspired, and occasionally funny, all of which should serve me well. I make eye contact, I respond appropriately, I don't spittle much, and I have a confident handshake. Yes, I will be wearing a 66 Portly Long suit. Yes, I will undoubtedly be sweating. But I will smell good, I'll have clean nails and teeth, sparkling blue eyes, and I'll be presenting a socko idea to an entrepreneur and her team that is perfectly suited to see the value of the concept.

Yet I start thinking, "Holy crap, who do I think I am, waddling in there and pitching an idea? Won't they take one look at me and think there's no way this fatass is worth listening to?"

But here's the thing, and I forget about this until these moments come up in my life: people feel comfortable around me. Put another way, people sometimes condescend to me because I'm "different," and therefore feel comfortable.

Now it might be because I put people at ease, am amiable and know how to keep the conversational ball rolling. A humorous quip or two frequently adds to the comfort level for all concerned. You know, jovial jolly fat Stevie, rolly polly puddin 'n pie, master of turning the attention onto those I'm with.

There is another factor, though, and I wonder if "civilians" (non-fatties) even know about it.

People often condescend to fatties. A feeling of superiority leads to a relaxed, comfortable attitude. Like the way a plantation owner feels surrounded by big beefy slaves, all smiling and saying, "Yes, Massa. You so smart, Massa!"

Hard to believe, but I'm a non-threatening presence. A four hundred pound non-threatening presence, a person, yes, but obviously "less than."

I've had people in my life whose first reaction to me is, "Wow!" Their eyes light up, they sidle on over to me, and go about being extremely magnanimous, gracious, even daring to touch me (like testing an avocado for ripeness). These can be out-of-body experiences for me. A little like being the sucker in an airport that the Hare Krishna surround and "befriend." I'm a little off-put, sometimes, as they extend their generous friendliness to the poor unfortunate before them. Smiling like a happy placid buddha, I nod and close my eyes and let them look me over. Their eyes inevitably drop to my belly at the first opportunity, often accompanied by a not-very-effectively camouflaged look of astonishment as they quickly do a comparison more often seen urinal-to-urinal in men's rooms. I have found that almost everyone needs to get this out of their system, so I look away, giving them the opportunity to scan in secret, but I usually look back in time to catch 'em (a fun aha! moment for me). Now the chatter turns manic, and much hilarity ensues, all without my saying anything much more than "Hello there" and "How are you?"

When I actually say something more substantial, depending on the level of quick-wittedness, insight or intelligence of the remarks I make, it's like a Spielberg movie all of a sudden: mouths agape, eyes widened, and I'm a twinkling spaceship hovering mid-air before them. By golly, it's a great big surprise - the parade balloon talks! It thinks! It's funny! It's not simple-minded! Wait'll I tell Phillip about this!

Then comes the piece de' resistance, the coup de grace - they hear the slight lisp, the effeminate lilt of my voice, and "OH. MY. GOD! A big fat gay smart funny THING! I never expected to catch one of those in my butterfly net! This is just amazing! Ethel! Ethel! Look!!!"

I've been to parties where I felt like a baby gorilla at Lion Country Safari. "Madge, Madge! Come over here and meet this . . . . um, man! He's toooooo divine! Don't worry, he won't bite! No, I'm sure he won't!"

I've seen this same sort of effusive, grandiose, "I'm a big enough person to be kind to those less fortunate" response directed at people in wheelchairs, tattooed and pierced people, transgendered people, African-Americans, turbaned men, bald women, amputees, burn victims, immigrants, the homeless, etc.

Now don't get me wrong. There have been plenty of people whose response to me is kind, egalitarian, welcoming and friendly without a hint of condescension.

But the difference factor of being a large guy is an inescapable part of my existence. I've been a living experiment, really, a litmus test -- people react, and I duly note their response, categorizing them: acid, alkaline, neutral. This could work to my advantage in a business situation, I suppose.

If only I could figure out how.