Happiness Equals Insensitivity - Tennessee Williams

Sheila O'Malley has a beautiful, soulful post about her take on the New Year here.

Almost towards the end, she's talking about those of us who harbor darkness, who find it difficult to get all zippy and happy about the New Year just 'cause we're supposed to be zippy and happy. Then she says, "That's why Tennessee Williams, when asked for his definition of happiness, replied 'Insensitivity.' " Blows me away. Damn.

I just wanna riff on this for a few.

It sure seems like that, doesn't it? It's the insensitive, benighted fools who can do the happy dance when all around them, people are in pain. Maybe the problem is the word "happy." Much too vague. I mean, according to a song our grade school choir sang (It's from "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown") :

HAPPINESS IS FINDING A PENCIL.
PIZZA WITH SAUSAGE
TELLING THE TIME.
HAPPINESS IS LEARNING TO WHISTLE.
TYING YOUR SHOE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.

HAPPINESS IS PLAYING THE DRUM IN YOUR OWN SCHOOL BAND.
AND HAPPINESS IS WALKING HAND IN HAND.

HAPPINESS IS TWO KINDS OF ICE CREAM.
KNOWING A SECRET.
CLIMBING A TREE.
HAPPINESS IS FIVE DIFFERENT CRAYONS.
CATCHING A FIREFLY.
SETTING HIM FREE.

HAPPINESS IS BEING ALONE EVERY NOW AND THEN.
AND HAPPINESS IS COMING HOME AGAIN.
HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,
DAY TIME AND NIGHT TIME TOO.

FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALL
THAT'S LOVED BY YOU.

HAPPINESS IS HAVING A SISTER.
SHARING A SANDWICH.
GETTING ALONG.

HAPPINESS IS SINGING TOGETHER WHEN DAY IS THROUGH,
AND HAPPINESS IS THOSE WHO SING WITH YOU.

HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,
DAYTIME AND NIGHTTIME TOO.
FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE AND ANYTHING AT ALL
THAT'S LOVED BY YOU.

Okay, I get it: happiness is two kinds of ice cream. Jamoca Almond Fudge and Pistachio. Check.

Does happiness require insensitivity in order to exist? Well, does it, Charlie Brown?

Is there a difference between sensitivity and vulnerability?

Can we be empathetic, compassionate and understanding (i.e., sensitive) without being exceedingly vulnerable at our core? Can we bleed for others (and sometimes for ourselves) yet maintain enough blood in our systems to exist at a level that includes happiness, whatever it is?

Can we ponder the plight of humankind, shake our head in sorrow at the crimes committed in the name of God and Allah, at violence in service to greed, hate, ignorance, imperiousness, ruthlessness, and hopelessness, and still somehow hold onto a basic belief in the goodness in people? (Ann Frank seemed to manage it, somehow.)

Does the totality of our experiences in life inevitably lead to melancholy? More to the point, must we choose to be insensitive in order to maintain a "happy" outlook when the preponderance of the evidence (in our own lives and in the lives of those around us) is so clearly opposite any possible definition of "happy?"

A brief digression: Tarot cards represent archetypes of people and situations - the impulsive man, the smart daughter, the inquisitive son, the battle lost, a foundation reinforced, burdensome tasks, blinders dropped, and so on. They were developed to communicate truths about human nature to people who couldn't read. They are simplistic as individual cards, yet they hold much truth and wisdom when they are shuffled, dealt, and examined for the way adjacent cards influence each other in a particular spread.

The high arcana cards in a Tarot deck represent man's journey through life. Card "Zero" is the Fool. It is both the first and last high arcana card (Alpha and Omega, as some decks point out) . Most Tarot books define the Fool as representing optimism maintained or reacquired in the face of experience, the person who has been through a life of difficulties, yet looks upon the road ahead with hope. He is the "happiest" archetype, possibly the ONLY happy archetype. There are other positive cards, of course, but they usually relate to events and not to the inate personality of the person experiencing them.

So, in order to be happy, do you need to be a fool? Granted, in the context of Tarot, the Fool is that madcap courtier whose wit and dexterity amused the weary head who wore the crown. The buffoon, the joker, the comic; the entertainer who brings a moment of delight and distraction to those who have great responsibility. Maybe happiness doesn't require blindness to suffering but just a temporary distraction from it. "Count your blessings." "Look on the bright side." "Every cloud has a silver lining." Is this happiness? My father used to say, "Life is a series of bitter disappointents." Cheery, huh? His life certainly might be viewed in that light. Maybe all of us would agree with this point of view sometimes.

I believe there is sensitivity to others' experiences and circumstances, and then there is another thing, also labeled sensitivity, which is the state of being vulnerable to the hateful, judgmental, critical, agonizing words and actions people might say and do.

I believe I can be a compassionate and empathetic human being at the same time I steadfastly refuse to allow experience to assault my core beliefs about myself. I may need to revise and adapt my core beliefs to reflect what I've learned in life from time to time, but that is my choice. My core beliefs stand invulnerable to attack. They are. They simply are. And anything someone might say or do will not change them.

I believe I do not invalidate my sensitivity card if one of my core beliefs is, "I am able to experience happiness."

I believe I don't need to exhibit a bruised and battered face to the world or be vulnerable to its violence in order to prove my sensitivity. You might see sorrow and empathy in my eyes from time to time, let me assure you, but you will also see joy and love and, yes, happiness.

Moreover, I believe it is my sensitivity that allows me to experience happiness. It's my sensitivity to the intricate flavor combinations of two kinds of ice cream that makes the moment of eating them a happy one. It's my sensitivity to the delight a friend experiences when they achieve a worthwhile goal or fall in love which makes me happy. My sensitivity allows me to appreciate the artistry of a song beautifully sung. It also prompts me to seek to alleviate the pain of a child crying in distress. Both may lead to happiness for me.

It's like this, Tennessee. Blanche was vulnerable to everything people around her said and did. She was like the most delicate magnolia blossom, browning at the slightest touch. She depended on the kindness of strangers (because she had nothing to rely on inside her to feel good about herself, to have a moment of happiness). She was incredibly vulnerable, but some might say Blanche didn't exhibit much sensitivity to others. She sought to destroy her sister's life, ostensibly because the husband Stella had chosen was crass, but really because she envied her sister's happiness (and the aggressive sexual desire Stella and Stanley had for each other). Blanche was nakedly vulnerable, frequently insensitive and completely unhappy.

Stanley was invulnerable, physically and emotionally, to what people might say or do. Sure, he would respond to belittling like a frustrated child, but the belittling didn't penetrate his sense of himself. And he didn't exhibit much sensitivity to Blanche. But his sensitivity to Stella was his overriding characteristic. Why was he so nasty to Blanche? Well, mostly because he believed Blanche had frittered away on furs and jewels what was rightfully Stella's from their parents' estate; because Blanche was trying to tear down his relationship with Stella; because Blanche mocked his strengths and disdained his weaknesses. When it came to Stella, though, Stanley was agonizingly sensitive - screaming and crying in the street, begging to be taken in her arms, begging to be forgiven. Stanley was invulnerable, frequently sensitive, and mostly happy.

I love you, Tennessee, really I do, but I think you were working me when you said that happiness is insensitivity. I get the irony. God knows I do. But I think you knew better. Your Stanley and Blanche demonstrated it for us.

I believe happiness is sensitivity from a core of invulnerability.

Or maybe it's this:

"Happiness is when what you say and what you do
and what you believe are in harmony." - Gandhi