New Job, Day One

Today I am a federal employee again. Ringa dem bells!

Last week was a whirlwind - my new employer called me on Monday to say I passed the preliminary security clearance, and that they wanted me to start in a week. I was just about to go in to my old boss and give her the bad news when one of the other employees announced at the staff meeting that she had just resigned! Well, whatayaknow! I let her news sink in all around, and, heart pounding, almost said, "Me, too!" but decided to tell the boss in private first. DB (Dysfunctional Bosslady) started our meeting later that day by assigning me all of the quitter's projects (even though the person who quit makes 40-something and I was barely scratching 30). I had to say, "Uhm, excuse me, DB, but I'm afraid I'm resigning, too - here's my letter of resignation - my last day will be Wednesday." Ker-PLAT!!! Oh my, oh my, oh my!!! I'd like to report I didn't have a smug, satisfied look on my face when I saw her distress, but that would be a fib! Later, I told the rest of the staff and there was a sort of scurying-rats-on-a-sinking-ship feeling all around. The woman who trained me burst into tears, knowing she would have to train yet another person (and fill-in on my job in the interim). It was kinda dreadful.

DB begged me to talk to the really big boss to explain that I wasn't leaving because of her incompetence. I'm thinking, "Oh my, lady, you're taking a helluva chance asking me to do that!"
I met with PNA (Pompous Napoleonic Ass) on Wednesday and laid it on the line about DB and her total lack of ability as a manager, sweet though she is. He stared at me like he had studied film clips of Dick Cheney to develop his disgruntled-employee-staredown technique. I never felt so invisible and unheard in my life. After about ten minutes I gave up and left. A lovely way to end my brief career in medicine.

Today I proudly took the oath of allegience, signed about a hundred documents, and started looking over the various files piled high on my new desk. I sniffled a little when I saw the old-fashioned government phone message pads. I shouted with glee when I discovered that I'm gonna be paid a FORTUNE (my previous federal career salary determines my new rate). And I heaved an enormous sigh of relief to learn how everything I'll be doing seems to make perfect sense.

Besides which, I now have access to extraordinary Indian crafts at low, low prices (I'm working for the federal agency that oversees Indian trust accounts and most of my co-workers are Indian people with extremely talented relatives). From now on, just call me boloboy. If you ever stumble into the office looking for me, I'll be the fat guy in the corner cubicle with the enormous honkin piece of turquoise dancing on my adam's apple and a smile of utter contentment.

Love and kisses,
Stevie