Conscious vs. Subconscious Core Beliefs - Part 1

All right. I had one of those "gotta pee" dreams, you know, where in your dream you really need to pee but are somehow thwarted, and as soon as you wake up, you realize that you really gotta pee? And as you pee, you think, "Well, thank God I didn't wet the bed!" You know what I'm talking about.

So I was musing about that this morning as I fed the cat and made coffee and puttered around the apartment. We sorta don't know where dreams come from, let's face it, but we tend to think of them as coming from our subconscious, another label that we're not really sure about. But if that is where dreams come from, then you could say that my experience was as follows:

(1) A physical reality/desire (full bladder/gotta pee) presented itself while I was in a subconscious-driven state, aka dreaming. The physical reality triggered a core belief: "Peeing relieves the pressure on a full bladder" (a perfectly reasonable and strongly-held core belief for me).

(2) Before the kegel muscle or whatever relaxed and allowed the pee to escape, another relevant core belief was applied: "It's a bummer to wet the bed" (again, a perfectly reasonable and strongly-held core belief for me).

(3) The two valid core beliefs were connected, and the subconscious presented the physical reality/desire (full bladder/gotta pee) through dreams featuring failed attempts to pee.

(4) As the physical reality became more pressing, the subconscious steered my being to wakefulness, whereupon I could consciously take note of the physical reality and act upon the two applicable core beliefs - I got out of bed, went to the bathroom (third core belief: "Peeing in the toilet is good"), and peed.

What's really exciting - yes, exciting! - about this experience was that it allowed me to glimpse the core beliefs at work subconsciously - and in this case to see that the conscious and subconscious core beliefs were in synch.

Here it is in a sentence: Experience is physical reality/desire filtered through conscious and subconscious core beliefs resulting in self-directed action.

Work with me here.

I just saw a matinee of The Dark Knight yesterday. The experience was a physical reality/desire (there's this new movie and I desire to see it) filtered through conscious core beliefs ("the price of a matinee ticket is reasonable," "critics are reliable sources of information," "Heath Ledger is good," "seeing an action movie in a theater is better than seeing an action movie at home," "the theater I plan to go to has comfortable seats" and "I can afford to buy a ticket," "waiting in line sucks," "little kids make sucky theater companions," and "the movie might suck") and an unconscious core belief ("I'm too fat to go to the movie theater") resulting in self-directed action (I went to the theater, plunked down my 7 bucks, and saw the movie).

In the case of seeing The Dark Knight, the core beliefs encouraging me to see it outweighed the core beliefs discouraging me, so I went - and I was rewarded: I loved the movie. My experience reinforced and validated all of my core beliefs except two: the theater was full of little kids but they didn't make sucky theater companions, so I can now revise that particular core belief to "Little kids sometimes make sucky theater companions." Also, I wasn't too fat to go to the movie. Ding ding ding - alert - alert - invalid core belief - invalid core belief.

Now let's take another example, shall we, class?

Physical reality/desire: Travel to Thailand.

Conscious core beliefs: Thailand looks gorgeous, love Thai food, fascinated by culture, will be a great experience, too expensive, can't afford it, plane will be uncomfortable, humidity sucks, passport expired, cat will be lonely.

Unconscious core belief: I'm too fat to travel to Thailand.

Self-directed action: Don't go to Thailand.

Ding ding ding - alert - alert - invalid core belief - invalid core belief: too fat to go to Thailand. People as fat I as I am go to Thailand all the time; I can buy two seats on the plane and be comfortable; if I get tired or my feet hurt, I can sit down.

I may still end up not going to Thailand, but the core beliefs upon which I make that determination will be valid.

Here's another one:

Physical reality/desire: Need a more fulfilling and remunerative job.

Conscious core beliefs: Capable of doing it, qualified, hard worker, good employee, loyal, lots of opportunities, enjoy challenges, too tired to put in the effort, fear of insecurity, don't want to give up bennies of current position, my current position is known and a future position is an unknown, don't have appropriate interview clothes, can't afford it, rejection sucks, failure sucks, wasted effort sucks, rocking the boat sucks.

Unconscious core beliefs: I'm too fat, interviewers won't hire fat people.

Self-directed action: Don't try to obtain a more fulfilling job.

Ding ding ding - alert - alert - invalid core belief - invalid core belief: too fat to get another job. I got my current job being as fat as I am now; interviewers do hire fat people (me!); I do have appropriate clothes for interviewing (or I could purchase them).

I may still end up not trying to obtain a more fulfilling job (although with the removal of the invalid core beliefs, it seems the decision is tilted in the other direction), but whatever I decide, the core beliefs upon which I make that determination will be valid.

Let's look at the biggie now:

Physical reality/desire: Want to be thin and fit.

Conscious core beliefs: being thin and fit is wonderful, it is healthier to be thin and fit, being healthy is wonderful, I am more comfortable and attractive when I am thinner and fitter, I know how to lose weight, I love food, I love the taste and texture of rich food in my mouth, I love swallowing, buying new clothes is fun, buying new clothes is expensive, don't have appropriate clothes to exercise in.

Unconscious core beliefs: losing weight is hard, physical exercise is hard, being hungry is painful, eating gives me comfort and joy, I'm supposed to be fat, I'm too fat, if I lose weight I'll gain it back, possibility of failure is high, failure sucks, wasted effort sucks, hunger sucks, I could break a bone exercising, broken bones suck, can't afford to break a bone, people will make fun of me exercising, humiliation sucks, shame sucks, sweating sucks, tofu sucks.

Self-directed action: Don't try to be thin and fit.

DING DING DING DING DING! Needless to say, lots of invalid subconscious core beliefs at work here.

• (subconscious belief) Losing weight is hard - (conscious belief) No, not really. It's simple, but maybe not exactly easy.
• Physical exercise is hard - actually, it can be moderate and very pleasant.
• Being hungry is painful - it is a little unpleasant but it isn't painful.
• I love food - but I don't love what eating excessive amounts of it do to me.
• Eating gives me comfort and joy - eating used to give me comfort and joy, but not any more.
• I'm supposed to be fat - no, I'm not.
• I'm too fat - I'm not too fat to lose weight and exercise.
• If I lose weight I'll gain it back - a might, but I might not.
• Buying new clothes is expensive and I can't afford it - I can use the money I save on food for clothes.
• Possibility of failure is high - possibility of failure is medium.
• Failure sucks - failure doesn't always suck, sometimes it's instructive.
• Wasted effort sucks - it wouldn't be wasted effort.
• Hunger sucks - well, sometimes it sucks but lots of times it's tolerable.
• I could break a bone exercising and broken bones suck - chances are I won't break a bone exercising, and I have health insurance.
• People will make fun of me exercising - no, they probably won't, I'm just projecting.
• Humiliation sucks - I won't be humiliated.
• Shame sucks - I won't feel shame.
• Sweating sucks - it can feel good to sweat.
• Tofu sucks - tofu can be delicious.

My reality/desires are usually valid.
My self-directed actions usually conform with the core beliefs through which my reality/desires are filtered.
The problem is that many of my subconscious core beliefs, particularly as they relate to being fat, are inaccurate or invalid, or simply not in synch with my conscious core beliefs. Once upon a time, my subconscious core beliefs were valid, but they aren't anymore - yet they're still on the books.

Now back to the pee thing - maybe the mommies out there can help me out with this.

Once upon a time we did not hold the core belief of "It's a bummer to pee yourself." We were babies. We peed ourselves. We didn't connect peeing with the discomfort of a wet diaper, or maybe we even liked the feeling of a warm wet diaper! We didn't know we could control our pee. But pretty soon we adopted this particular core belief, probably consciously before subconsciously, and we became non-pee-yourselfers. Kids who are 8 or 9 who still wet the bed consciously hold the core belief, "It's a bummer to pee yourself," but maybe subconsciously they haven't accepted this yet. Almost all of them, however, will eventually carry this belief into the subconscious, and with the valid core belief in place, they will stop wetting the bed.

How do we identify our subconscious core beliefs, and then modify or replace them to correlate with our conscious core beliefs? What is the process?

Good question. I'll try to tackle that in Part 2.